My favourite time of the year is December. Partially because it’s my birthday month and Christmas, but mostly because it is the end; the last 31 days of a full year. A year which was likely filled with many highs and twice as many lows (knowing me), but hopefully lots of growth. The only thing I love more than endings is the new beginning waiting around the corner, and December is that sweet spot — the end of a journey as the opportunity for a new one creeps around the corner.
Anyone who knows me well enough would know that I’m one of those rare people that love change. I get bored of routine and am constantly looking for ways to make even the smallest tweaks to my life so I don’t get stuck in one place doing the same thing for too long. The pandemic has made this extremely difficult; I can’t remember the last time I felt so restless. For the past 18 months or so, I have felt suffocated and stuck in the seemingly never-ending monotony of everyday life. I haven’t had anything to look forward to or been able to make any concrete plans to travel or explore new places outside of my city.
Everything has just felt like a whole big blur and I’ve felt personally stunted and helpless. Honestly, it has felt like I was living out one of my biggest fears— being stuck and never becoming someone better than I was yesterday.
I’ve had such a journey in my past 24 years of life and one of the best (but also terrifying) things about it is knowing that people I met years ago have a completely different idea of who I am compared to someone I met yesterday. Growth is what I crave, and you can’t grow unless you make conscious changes to your life and dive into new, and often uncomfortable, situations. As my 25th birthday inches closer each day, I’ve felt so much dread about reaching this big milestone before doing all the things I thought I would have done by this age. I could easily blame the pandemic— for the past two years, it has put my travel plans on hold and kept me from making any concrete plans for my future due to all the uncertainty. But if I am being completely honest, I only have myself to blame.
I’ve trapped myself into this idea of what success looks like and set all my goals and expectations based on that idea. I have been too afraid to step out and do something different; something that I have always felt called to do. I have an amazing job in a beautiful city with great friends, yet I feel like there is so much I’m missing. Something so much greater waiting for me out there. Something I have been incapable of exploring due to the things I have surrounded myself with in this comfortable bubble that has slowly been suffocating me.
Not many people know this, but I was originally starting this blog because I was moving overseas. I was very nervous but also excited to go start somewhere new and have the opportunity to travel and explore so many new and exotic places. I started selling and giving my belongings away and making all the arrangements in the background. It felt so freeing. It felt like there were finally some air vents in that bubble – some hope for change and joy. Unfortunately, those plans recently fell through and suddenly I was suffocating again. That’s when I realised I need to make a change.
So, after lots of internal wrestling, I have decided to pop that bubble and move. Although, this time it won’t be so far away. I will be moving back to Sydney next year to be with my family as we all go through so many professional and lifestyle changes during this difficult season of life. The decision wasn’t an easy one. People have been asking me if I would move back to Sydney ever since I arrived in Canberra over six years ago. My immediate response was always a big NO. I love my life here – I have always been such an independent person and being able to live by myself all these years has been so good for my mental health and personal growth.
Moving back home is a scary thought. I haven’t lived with my family since I was 16 years old so it will definitely be a big adjustment. However, I also think it will provide an opportunity for a different type of growth and freedom. It frees me from being stuck in a 12-month lease and will allow me the flexibility to pursue something new if I want to. I’ll have the opportunity to explore new possibilities and more time to do the things that bring me joy (shoutout to my mum for cooking and cleaning hehe).
This will just be the first of hopefully many changes to the way I choose to live my life. I don’t want to get to 60 years old and realise I’ve been too busy with work, or study, or some other pursuit of success that I haven’t explored the world and pursued the things that truly bring me joy. Life is meant for living, and that’s exactly what I intend to start doing. I need to take advantage of my 20’s and this season of life where I’m not tied down to anything or anyone and do all the things I have always felt called to do.
God made me this way for a reason, and it would be a waste of potential to deny the adventurous and free-spirited side of myself to stick to societal views of what success and happiness should look like. I may have been missing out on who I truly am, the person I was created to be, just because I have been incapable of releasing the control I have on my life and giving it to God. It’s time to dig out those roots and make myself moveable; make myself able and willing for all the things He wants to do through me.There is so much uncertainty but also so much hope, and I am looking forward to beginning this new adventure together.
Here’s to becoming, and everything that journey entails.
I hope you will find the strength and courage to do the same. Whatever that journey may look like for you & wherever it may lead you.
Until next time,